i - feel - like - CRAP!

ive been taking care of my great-grandmother for the past two days. thats fuckin' abuse. but nobody else wants to. its a 9am to 6pm sort of thing, but its soo exhausting! she kept hitting me. of course it dosent hurt, but its annoying. so im all sleepy now, watching some interesting program on discovery channel about sex differences. women are more brainy and good at multi-tasking... yea, we rock.

even thought i dont talk much about my personal troubles at home i guess am i going to now

last month my great-grandmother broke her hip and had to be operated, while she stayed at the hospital my mother and her 2 younger brothers decided to put her in a nursing home, since she's senile and suffering from what seems to be Alzheimers disease. well my great-grandmother is a tough lady to work with she's really stubborn. and she didnt want to get up from the bed where she was staying at, at the nursing home. but today her leg had gotten the color black because she wasnt moving, trombosis i think its the name of what she has. and there may be the possibility that her leg has to be removed. can you imagine? shes about ... 87 years old i think. having to go through that! T_T i dont think i'll be able to look at her (im very squimish). but now my mother wants me to take care of her tomorrow. which is terrible! i dont think i could handle it. im not refusing because im selfish or anything like that, just that ... i couldnt bear to see my grandmother like that. (and when she was at the hospital the first time, my mother and i used to take care of her at night) so im hoping that the docs dont have to amputate her leg.

on other topics on friday was vicky's (my sis) 9th grade graduation (in PR's public schools, junior high is until the 9th grade, but 12th grade is still considered as your 4th year of high school ... i know, its odd), and MAN was that graduation B O R I N G! yah, it was horrible, it droned, on and on and on and ON. crap, i hate graduations. but it was cute how my sisters good friend, ruthy, started crying at the end.

on saturday mom and i went to run some errands. we went out from 12pm or so and we camed back at 10 PM!!! O_O we where out all friggin' day. but good things she took me to borders and i bought Sleater-Kinney's "One Beat" (yea, another S-K album!) and Dashboard Confessional "The Swiss Army Romance" (woohoo! i sooo wanted that one!) to my surprise there is a track -"This is a forgery"- that is not an acoustic song, my reaction was "is that ... an electric guitar?!?!?!", my jaw dropped... :D my reason for going to borders was another one though, i went to buy Rooney's new album that camed out last tuesday. when i go to the store i check ton the computers, they have it, at $10.99! so i went happily upstairs to the music department and with the help of a cute employee i was looking for it (^.^), while my mother checked with the people at the information desk, i was saying to him the whole time (to the cute employee) "theyre a new band! nobody knows about them! the cd must be here somewhere..." well my mom screamed at me: "millie! only 3 of them camed!!" and a while later "... and ... all of them have been sold!" am i like "WHAT THE FUCK?!" who bought my Rooney CD?!?!? who the hell knows about Rooney in PR?! O_O i was ANGRY! and the cd wont arrive for another 2-2 1/2 weeks >_< good thing thats not the borders i usually go to ... hehehe

so yea, hope that nothing bad happens to my grandma

so how ya'll like the new layout?! and the new name?! hehehe ... im eager to know. i know i said i wasnt going to put the new site up because of blogger, but i checked again and it says the changes will occus over the next couple of WEEKS! my goodness! i wasnt going to wait that long especially since i had the website finished and ready to go ...

ok so im a little tired after working all morning, and i shouldnt be on the net since my account is being evil and the more i use it the evil it gets! (hmm, long story.)

so leave the comments on the tagboard or guestbook (you can find the tagboard by clicking 'Comment?' below) - btw: the new title of the site comes from the Télépopmusik song by the same name. ;-)

oh, and im glad Ruben won american idol, yey!

on saturday grandpa came and took us out. we went to Borders and i bought Sleater-Kinney's "The Hot Rock" - great album, great band. i didnt know it wasnt their last one. but ill make sure i buy their others ones. im listening to michelle branch's new song "are you happy now?" some people at the Hansonline forums said it sounded like avril lavigne, but i can't hear the similarity. (good thing too). ahh the other day i downloaded, hanson's "Down" from the hanson.net membership CD, heheheheee. its the only one ive been able to find. i thought zac sang the lead! but... they all do, sort of. anyways the song reeked >_< i didnt like it at ALL! but mah babys zac voice was WONDERFUL. i confused it with isaacs. but after much listening i realized it was him. XD

ive been working on a new layout (thank goodness) - for the renaming of the site. but since im adding some new sections, its taking a little bit. i need to plug some people and need to make changes, but everything is on hold right now, until i get everything up. im also thinking of making two new sites, one is a secret, and the other is a hanson links directory. similar to my harry potter directory. but im trying to see if i find a links script. since using PHP scripts with internet explorer 6 is futile (none work), i need to use a different type of script, like ASP, or CGI. but i dont get any of them! i only know a wee-bit of PHP. thats it. shit. oh well. its microsofts fault.

by the way: blogger is making their blog changes in the next couple of weeks, i dont really now whats gonna happen (im also waiting for this change to occur to upload the new layout and stuff), but they site may looked wacked ?? and i dont know if im even going to be able to work it out. i read the programs (its called DanoBlogger or something) Release Notes, and i didnt understand a peep. they might as well have written it in chinese!

so i was a lil busy this week with school ending and all. HOORAY! i finished school today! *dances around* thats so cool! im so happy! *.* the coolest thing? well my final grade in Geometry was a B (3.3), but my teach for no reason made it a 3.5!! thats A!!! O_O thats so cool of him! why the hell did he do it? i dont know... i didnt ask much, but im grateful. XD

i was at the mall awhile ago with veronica, she got her scholarship so she went to buy a few things. i didnt get mine cause last year (my sophmore year) i didnt get A, got a B. damn, i miss the scholarship (its $400 dollars!!!). but today, our school councelor told us of this photojournalism summer camp, where you get $300 andc a digital camera for going to it! IM SO THERE! i need money, and something to do in the summer!

sooo, im not really in the mood to write ... lotsa things in my head!

so i downloaded Macromedia Studio MX (it took me forever to download! T_T), with Dreamweaver, and Fireworks, and like 4 others programs I dont know what theyre for, i only just wanted Dreamweaver, but isaw the whole things and said "why not?" - so after psending like 3 days downloading, i dont see the big shit about Dreamweaver, its the same as AceHTML, just more freakin' complicated. i haven't got the hang of it yet. i though it was way cooler. damn.

yesterday i went to see my grandma, we just sat there talking for a few hours. my great-grandmother was there too, and so was my great-uncle and great-aunt. grandma said she would take us out to dinner and to buy a few things. but she showed me pictures of my dad before he left for the war. (exp. : my grandmother, uncle and dad all live in FL. so when my dad left for the army, i didnt see him. they did.) he looked strange with that funny little hat they use.

im having a major layout block. i mean, i can MAKE a decent layout, but it dosent top this one, and i want it too. they just seem too mediocre. i have made around .... *counting .... 5 or 6 layouts and i can't settle on one. damn. i hate begin a perfectionist T_T why!?

so more pictures! theyre all of my pets, Catzilla ... the cat (i think that was obvious) and Pepi my dog. (pepi's a girl).

001 | 002 | 003 | 004 | 005 | 006 | 007
008 | 009 | 010 | 011 | 012 | 013 | 014

PICTURES! 001 | 002 | 003 | 004 | 005

they all open in new windows, and all of them are of ... ME! and my computer...

ok ... ive been working and i think i may have settled on a name. even though i didnt want it to be related to things i enjoy, nor did i wanted it to be long, this is a name i like. ill reveal it it laterz. :-D but i can't make a layout :( i tried making one and it sucks major ass. maybe im just not doing it right! and i cant use that sailor moon layout, so dont comment on it. ill just save the picture and display it at deviantART...

talking about that im not having a wallpaper/digital art site anymore, im putting all my stuff or grabs at devinatART instead. so, look for me i'm 'shampoo bottles'...

go here and check the layout. tell me if you like it. i think im calling the site Untitled. not sure. i made this huge long list of names and i cant pick. but i really want to change the name. ill figure out something in the end.

i was browsing to my old posts and i found the URL to Raspberry Swirl! Joey's site. way back in 2001, Joey and i visited each others site and stuff and we where good pals. but i lost her URL on one of my many computer meltdowns since then, and i wasnt able to find the URL again (i forget EVERYTHING!) but i have now, and i'm happy.

its raining outside, i can't watch TV. times like these i hate digital cable >_<

hehehe i fixed the tagboard! :P i didnt go to school today its students and teacher week, and today theyre having a Talent Show which i have no intention to see after my disasterous presentantion last year, everyone said it was good but i know i could've done better (i sang at the talent show).

my grandmother is coming to puerto rico on saturday or friday. crap. i dont like her that much. but it'll be OK, if i see it will be in the presence of my mother and she cant say any rude remarks to me while she's there.

i'm tired of the name Many Colored Crayons... ugh ... i've had for almost a year now and ... i dont like it anymore ;_; i have changed the name of this site 2 times: Amplify!, Holascope, where the previous names, this site is alredy 2 years old. turned em last month. :D yep, i've had this blog since way back in the day when nobody had one. thats why i dont want to change from blogger. cause thats how i started and all the posts since then still exist. but a name change wont come bad, it just means i'm changing too.

i just want to say:

HAPPY HANSON DAY!!

uhuh ... :D oh yea and the spanish journal is up, go see Bullshitt*ng

ok ive searched the whole WWW for a multi-language easy to use blog system and i found; none!!! and i tried using blogger but its being evil and wont let me publish a new blog >_< but ithe spanish journal will be born soon!! its called Bullshitt*ng, and i alredy made the layout an all, have you got any suggestions on easy to use blog systems> they dont have to be multi-language but if they are BETTER! (yea.. i dont like greymatter, thats... NOT easy to use)

my bass just fell from my bed... ill go freak out now...

im staying home today, i felt a lil sick when i woke up, but mom gave me some tylenol and i feel better now. anways last weeks friday five was interesting, here are my answers:

1. Name one song you hate to admit you like.
hmm. right now i can only think of Justin Timberlake's "Rock Your Body". that song is so cool. its a really good atempt to make him look like Michael Jackson, but why would anyone want THAT?!?!

2. Name two songs that always make you cry.
3. Name three songs that turn you on.
songs dont make me cry OR turn me on. im not that weird. or maybe im just not that easily turned on or compelled. i need to be really distraught for tears to come out of my eyes, i dont cry that easily.

4. Name four songs that always make you feel good.
Coldplay - "Everythings Not Lost"
Dashboard Confessional - "This Ruined Puzzle"
Hanson - "This Time Around"
Coldplay - "Clocks"

yea, Coldplay is the ultimate feel good band of all time.

5. Name five songs you couldn't ever do without.
Silverchair - "E-motion Sickness"
Hanson - "Man From Milwaukee"
A Perfect Circle - "Judith"
Coldplay - "Clocks"

aah i cant pick between:
Dashboard Confessional - "This Ruined Puzzle"
Dashboard Confessional - "The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most"

---

im thinking of begining a spanish journal. spanish IS my first language and though i can speak english very well, i think my true personality reflects better when you hear (or read what i have written) me speak in spanish. i have never done a spanish-spoken website before, so i'm not all that connected to the spanish internet world. so as of promotion i wouldnt know how to start, but first i have to make it, dont i? if the idea develops ill keep you posted!

hey before i got to bed, i wanted to say i found the Gokinjo Monogatari page, go here: Gokinjo World! it's really good when it comes to Gokinjo stuff. so visit. nite nite.

Listening to: Silverchair - Diorama - Across the Night

new layout! isint it cooooooool? man i loooove Gokinjo Monogatari (a japanese comic) it kicks so much ass. if you look at my desktop i also have a gokinjo monogatari wallpaper but thats of Minako the main character. the character on the top image is Tsutomu - i cant remember if thats the correct spelling, its such a weird name! - anyways theyre both boyfriend and girlfriend in the story, and it revolves around their long time friendship that in the end turns out to be something more then that. the manga dosent exist in english, but i have read it over the internet, and i have read Paradise Kiss its sequel (though it dosent have much to do with the characters in Gokinjo, its in the same universe, one of the characters in it is Minako's sister, and Minako makes appearances and such). the stories are hilarious, they crack me up, and theyre based on Japanese street fashion, which rocks.

i went crazy and joined a few fanlistings, uhum... yeah. i need visitors, but i only joined fanlistings of things i really really like. now i need to join topsites and crap. NEED VISITORS!!! :-D

there are some new sections ... i need more, so soon ill put up a list of my favorite things and my tiny mp3 list. it took me a whole night to write all my CD's (ok, not really but awhile, a long, long while) so read it! oh yeah and sign the guestbook. since blogger is going to change their blog system soon i doubt i'll be able to use the comments system. so i put up a tagboard for your comments and such. it took me forever to find a script, i didnt want a hosted tagboard. i used to have one way back in the day but i took it off since people used it to write hateful comments. it pissed me off. i had that script at my old computer and i didnt want to look for it (its so sloooow! it takes forever to do things). but i like this new tagboar it was super easy! thanks brian!

i found my Neon Ballroom CD. (i couldnt find it) it was under my bed :-D teeheehee ... how did it get there i wonder? i saw some other stuff under my bed too, like notebooks and papers, but they can stay there for now. im not in the mood to clean.

yesterday something cool happened my dad called; :-D (dads at war). did you know he was in Iraq and not in Jordan? no? neither did i. he had left Jordan and gone to Iraq for the past month but my mother didnt tell me anything, she said she "didnt want to ruin our month"... whatever, but i felt like she was treating me like a kid. >_< although ... i guess, i prefer not to know, maybe im still a little kid at heart. anyways he had just gotten back it was 4am there! he said he had gotten real dark from the sun, heehee. we had send him a "care package" (a package full of supplies like damp towels and band-aids and hygene stuff) and he said it had arrived at the perfect moment because he had run out of that stuff while he was in Iraq. i cant wait til he comes home, he lives in FL yea, but he says when he comes back the first thing hell do is come to Puerto Rico! hooray for that!

so im leaving now mom wants to go buy lunch, and im hungry ;-D

i've gotten over that fight with the hanson boards, im glad i did. thanks to the friends who "soothed" me, lol...

the whole deal with the ghetto underground and nowhere road is gonna drive me out of my mind. its ridiculous to explain so i'll leave it at that. my hands are all clammy and i CANT think of anything else. i hate it when that happens! why can't my mind go back to my personal dreams and fantasy? WHY?! does a stupid-ass INTERNET message board get me all worked up? why?! shouldnt i be wise enough to know its not that important that my life will go on without it? but noooooooo i have to get exasperated, i have to sweat, i have to get angry and i have to want to HATE EVERYBODY! you know? i cant even listen to music, the one thing i love, and i cant do it. i let my mind wander when i do and for some reason these boards and all the baggage that comes with them dosent allow it to wander. yea, i'm writing cause iam angry and i need to get it all out of my system before i tell somebody i care about to go to hell... i'm a little calmer now, i havent read the last few posts and i dont plan to. i dont know what t do with those god-damn boards part of me whats to just hit the deleted button at the FTP and make em go away but the other says that i'll be just like giving in to them.

my hand is still clamy and shakin. eugh, i hate everybody. dont you?